When life or work throws a challenge my way, I always come back to one simple question:
What's within my control, and what value can I take from this situation?
It's a philosophy I've shared with my teams for years, and it's deeply rooted in stoicism, a school of thought that's shaped how I think about resilience, effort, and growth.
Don't confuse this idea with toxic positivity or pretending everything's fine when it's not. Positive reappraisal is a practice that helps you find meaning in difficulty without denying the reality of it.
What positive reappraisal really means
Positive reappraisal doesn't mean forcing yourself to look on the bright side.
It's not about ignoring frustration or sugarcoating struggle.
It's about acknowledging that the discomfort, effort, and frustration you're feeling have value, not just because they move you closer to a goal, but because they help you learn and grow.
When you approach a challenge this way, you stop being consumed by the negative emotions around it. Instead, your focus shifts to how you can come out the other side having learned something meaningful.
That doesn't mean the process is easy or that stress magically disappears. You still need to support yourself, rest, and manage your energy. But when you pair self-care with perspective, the load feels lighter.
The 3-step process backed by science
Positive reappraisal has been studied for decades in peer-reviewed research. Here's a simple three-step version of the process:
- Acknowledge that things are difficult.
Denying pain only amplifies it. Start with honesty.
- Acknowledge that it's worth it.
Remind yourself why you're putting in the effort, why this challenge matters.
- Acknowledge that difficulties are opportunities.
They're uncomfortable, yes, but they're also the only way we truly grow.
Growth rarely feels good in the moment. But when you can find meaning in the discomfort, you stop fighting it and start transforming through it.
Redefining success and failure
Imagine you're climbing a mountain.
If you expect to fly effortlessly to the peak, you'll be disappointed (and probably quit) the moment the trail gets steep. You might even start to believe there's something wrong with you for struggling.
But if you begin knowing the climb will be hard, that your legs will ache, and your lungs will burn, you normalize the challenge. Struggle becomes part of the process, not a sign of failure.
One powerful way to redefine failure is this:
Failure isn't falling down. It's walking away without learning anything.
Pain + reflection = progress.
Pain is a signal. Reflection is what turns it into growth.
A simple practice
The next time you face a challenge, pause and ask:
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What part of this is within my control?
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What value can I take from this situation?
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What will I carry forward that will serve me later?
You might be surprised by how much lighter the weight feels when you give it meaning.